adjusting to your emotions’ weather forecast
building a better relationship with intuition | & a quiz
friend friend,
hello, my dear one. <3
it is once again 10PM, when my body recognizes our cut-off point; the time of night my mind will start over-analyzing every sentence, and what I set out to say eventually becomes so muddled, I can’t taste it over the flavor of whatever else got mixed in by mistake. however, because I can’t stay for long, we can leave this message short and simple. while I can feel the winds of aries season tickle my stubbornness, I’m moving through this week with lesson after lesson in trusting my own timing—dressing appropriately to my feelings’ forecast, if you will.
there’s no gentler way of waking than remembering the anxious list of tasks yesterday’s self gifted me. call the bank to ask about their car warranties. consider making a dentist appointment if this back molar ache seems like it’ll stay a while. respond to, at minimum, two of the nine unread text messages sulking in your inbox. if completely necessary, check your email. (pre-pandemic, I swear I used to be more of a social creature, but now there’s something about digital communication that stresses me out.)
those nervous to-do’s left my hands restless all morning. you should be able to pick up the phone. remember that article you read, where someone left a cavity too long and it infected their bloodstream? how are you supposed to get anything done if you keep pushing it off?
afternoon came, and in between meetings, I felt a confident sense of calm. full sun and a slight chance of motivation. okay. I have about 20 minutes of bravery to make some headway on these tasks and if I do it quickly, I might forget to be scared. it took two minutes to send an email to the bank. now the ball’s in their court to get back to me. check. the dentist was available next Monday, and as luck would have it, so am I. check. I gave my younger sibling advice and started lunch. check check. I got cocky with my 20 minutes and even scheduled a haircut. as I started to feel the calm wave pass, my to-do list was done. my body gave me the cue as to when it felt ready to take everything on and I listened.
a similar situation unfolded last weekend, when I planned to take care of errands on Sunday, after what I was sure to be a full day of eager writing on Saturday. instead, Saturday’s arrival brought an emotional meteorology of uncompromising thick clouds. I slept almost 9.5 hours. sitting in front of an empty page, I couldn’t think of a thing. I didn’t want to write. I wanted to watch something that required no emotional investment. I wanted a break. since writing (both in general and for book-related work) has caused me more effort than it usually does, a fear loomed over me that if I didn’t push myself back to the page, maybe I’ll lose my ability to write completely. despite the stress, I took Saturday to rest. watched The Crown and stitched patches into my jean jacket. after giving in to my body’s request to take a break from thinking, Sunday bloomed with fresh ideas.
I know I’m not saying anything new in the societal battle of rest vs. productivity. but what’s really striking me this time around is that I know writing is something I love to do. I love creating, I love spending the day shaping metaphors or planning plotlines until every corner of my apartment drifts out of focus. when my body isn’t pulled to that, when it’s not a plan that excites me, that’s out of the norm, and I should listen to it. I tend to shrug off that need to slow down, imagining this petulant self that would always choose the lazier option, but that’s not the case—and is no doubt the venomous product of capitalism or tough parenting, not any genuine reaction I’d expect from myself.
though not absolutes in any sense (sometimes our intuition needs a good shake of its compass), what I’m taking with me is the knowledge that:
my body is getting better at speaking up to let me know my intended plan might not be the best for us right now.
(and I want to be better at listening)
feelings aren’t facts. but they do make good advisors.
your writer’s block will ease. I promise you. give your brain a break.
I don’t like that I have an easier time foregoing plans to wind down if I’m feeling creative and a harder time canceling creative plans to relax when the ideas aren’t there. going to explore that. how do we get this “be productive” nagging out of us?
ANYWAY, enough of that.
today I bring you a small distraction. do your friends remind you of a certain feeling? maybe one feels like the kind of loving homesickness when you roll down the windows to a ‘90s love song. maybe your partner is always the first one to catch a shooting star—simply reminding you amazement is never too far away. I made a quiz to see what kind of experience you leave people with. here’s the link. let me know what you get. :)
with love,
schuyler (sky-ler)
galoshes fund (venmo): schuylerpeck
“I tend to shrug off that need to slow down, imagining this petulant self that would always choose the lazier option, but that’s not the case” : I loved this sentence. Thank you!