How are you spending your days? I hope the air is warm enough to open your windows in the morning. I hope you’re eating well.
This distance isn’t easy to deal with. This uncertainty isn’t easy to deal with. All the other, separate long lists of things you’re dealing with aren’t easy to deal with. I wanted to thank you for waking up.
Everyone I love is having a hard time. (You were included in this list.) Even if we were to process what the world is going through, aside from the details of our personal lives and their intricacies, this is still such a heaviness to be bearing. Every feeling seems like it arrives at its most extreme. When there’s balance, the smaller things don’t matter as much, but grazing a feather across burned skin, it’d be easy to mistake it for a needle’s sharp tooth. And usually, time is kind enough to let us take turns. My hands have been here when yours needed holding and your shoulder stayed vacant when my head felt heavy. It’s hard to feel any semblance of comfort when we’re watching each other tread the waves with weighted shoes.
My hands are still here.
These ties, these friendships, help us to step outside ourselves for a moment. A space where the spiraling stops. I’m standing from the sidewalk of your life and can tell you I’m so happy you’re here. Even if all the lights are off. Even if it’s 2AM and you’re reading this, worried that you’ve forgotten how to fall asleep. Look at how you stand where the sunlight warms you. How you move your body when it asks. How the kitchen tile carries your singing voice. Look at how your hands have held tight to this life.
To keep repeating back to each other: there will be times you misplace your confidence and I will forget how to be brave and we can help each other remember. Count each slow breath out. Have I told you I’m proud of you? Let’s both take turns to scream. Tell me the earliest joke you can remember. I’ll send my mother’s recipe for coffee cake. Let’s talk again soon. We can rebuild this ship before it uncurls its mouth and yawns into the ocean. It feels much easier with another set of hands.
with love,
schuyler (sky-ler)
venmo: schuylerpeck
this brought a tear (or two) to my eye. lately ive felt so heavy but unsure how to drop the weight. i dont know where i picked it up or when. thank you for offering some lightness today 🤍